finding the courage to face your shadow is not only about you: it’s also a moral imperative

you miss nature after being in the city for an extended period of time. find time to rest beneth the trees.

right now, I want…

to go bigger with my desires. this is too fucking granular. this is boring.

I want a sumptuous witchy costume & a wreath of fresh-flowers + diamonds to go with it. I want opulence. I love opulence. I desire opulence. I claim opulence. fuck, it feels good. it feels good to admit that I want EVEN MORE OF these things. I want to dance & fly (or be tossed) around and be kissed all over & spin until I’m dizzy. I want to do all my life admin & go out & dance & forget my own name.

fuck that. I want someone to do all my life admin for me.

I want to trust someone enough to be able to delegate the Things That Can’t Be Delegated. I want an assistant who’s akin to my second brain. I want to be able to control important things with my mind. I want to make decisions in my mind & have them magically be reflected in the world around me. I want to feel my power & precision simultaneously.

I want a life partner.

I want to never, ever, ever, ever, ever [feel as if I] have to make sacrifices to create what I want.

I want to live my life like the positive-sum game that it is.

I want to be bullish & wild & free. I want to be radically generous. I want to be uncompromisingly clear & grounded. I want to be so loving & equanimous that my energy & presence alone have the power to end world wars. I want to be recognised for my gifts. I want to be celebrated for them. I want, I want, I want.

it feels good to want.

it feels so fucking good to want.

will you tell me what you want? and… will you dance with me?

i’d rather be alone than be wanted in a way i don’t want to be wanted

A list of dares for the family abolitionist:

I dare you to spend more time cooking for others than you do sending emails. To mend your socks and weave rings out of grass. To invite friends, neighbours, the bus driver for dinner every night. And I mean every night until they’re sick of your cooking and begrudgingly invite you round.

I dare you to look after people you don’t like. As in, believe they are a good person and help them find whatever it is they need. If they don’t know what they need, give them little trinkets (a token of your love).

I dare you to share ferociously, like you’re allergic to ownership. Compulsively give away your clothes, your jewels, your art. Become disgusted by waste, an empty home such an atrocity; you’re spewing on the verges.

I dare you to give your inheritance to strangers, to throw a fundraiser at Dad’s house. Unlock all the doors and rip down all the fences. Break open the family home, let hurt and healing mingle on the street.

I dare you to burn down the banks and then care for the capitalists; now grieving the loss of their net-worth. As they grieve, stroke their hair and coo-coo the ones who have been so busy.

I dare you to, if your able, quit all pursuits that keep you from care, to make a caring existence your sole purpose. To care for all parts of yourself (including anger, concrete, ants and the big blue sky).

I dare you to be regularly inconvenienced by love, to have dreams bigger than your own security. To rip open bounds of the self and open yourself to disappointment and brokenness.

I dare you to care until you are sick with it and then to seek care from others.
I dare you to ask for help, over and over again.

I dare you to love more than you fear being abandoned,
To love more than you know how.

I dare you to embrace love as a practice, as a way of being together.

I dare you to care.

a secret of the universe:

people can’t say yes to what you want if they can’t feel that you want it

the clearer your signal

the clearer their yes
the easier it is to say yes to you

YOU ARE A MAGNET FOR WHAT YOU WANT

Self-development as an avoidant person is tricky because you’re probably hiding many of your true desires and emotions from yourself

You gotta be patient and crafty to catch a glimpse of them

To take someone off the pedestal, let yourself be angry. You don’t have to be “understanding.” Your attachment style is prob fine actually. You think it’s wrong to be mad at them but you make yourself wrong when you don’t allow yourself to be angry. Anger is self honesty.

thing I’ve learned about myself:

when I think I could like someone, and I’m not sure how the relationship would or could fit into my life (or even whether I want that/what the hell I want w them)

… I can be TREMENDOUSLY FUCKING AVOIDANT

sharing for humility & humanity